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Ah… The crack of a bat. A lukewarm hotdog wrapped in paper with a squirt of mustard. A couple of cold ones. A mountain of nachos from the Goya cart served in a souvenir Mets helmet that later becomes a travel dog bowl. I literally dream about opening day for the entire half of the year when baseball isn’t happening. And I was pumped up for another mediocre season from the Mets this year. I figured that Tim Tebow was the worst that could happen to the team in 2020, since they had hand, foot and mouth disease last year (I shit you not).
And then WHAM! Just like that, faster than a pitch coming off of Aaron Judge’s bat, the season is just… not happening. Losing March Madness was bad enough, but cancelling opening day is like telling a kid there’s no Santa (sorry to any readers for whom this is news). And honestly, how are Mr. Met and the Philly Phanatic supposed to work from home? I mean, those guys are definitely not maintaining six feet of social distance. Without a game to attend, baseball mascots have got literally nothing better to do than run around and stand awkwardly close to people in supermarket lines. We’ve got to bring back baseball season—and stat—before Mr. Met infects the rest of Brooklyn.
There are some good lessons to remember from baseball at this particular moment in time:
Patience usually pays off. If you’re not getting hits off of the starter, just try to wear him down, make him fight for every out, and eventually he’ll give you some heat you can work with.
Sometimes you’ve got to use the shift. Don’t just leave your guys hanging around out in the outfield. Move ‘em around. You’ve got to make adjustments to changing circumstances.
Keep your eye on the ball. That’s what my dad used to tell me when I was learning how to hit. It’s a good lesson. When something’s coming at you, freakin’ pay attention to it! And decide how you’re going to deal with it before it arrives.
Don’t hire Tim Tebow. I mean, that’s just a general rule for life. I’m both a Broncos and Mets fan, so I’ve been stuck with the goober twice now.
I mean for the love of god. Why was this guy even in spring training? He tripped over his shoelace. HIS SHOELACE!!!
TODAY’S RECOMMENDATION: Uncut Gems (2019)
Despite the fact that it was somewhat under the radar and was ignored by the Oscars, Uncut Gems was one of my favorite movies of 2019 thanks to a tightly-wound story, riveting performances and an intense visual and aural style. Directed by brothers Benny and Josh Safdie, the film takes place almost entirely in the claustrophobic, glittery confines of New York City’s diamond district circa 2011, and it follows unrepentant asshole diamond dealer and gambling addict Howard Ratner (played with superstar charisma by Adam Sandler) as he attempts to sell a $1.2 million black opal while using other people’s money to make an outlandish bet on the outcome of a Celtics game.
It’s hard to capture the brilliance of Uncut Gems. The opening sequence seamlessly takes the viewer from an Ethiopian mining accident straight to the diamond district, and into the tortured, stress-wracked soul of Howard Ratner. The world that Ratner thrives in is noisy with loud then very quiet music and overlapping dialogue, and it can be difficult at times to track which piece of information is important. As Ratner is pursued with increasing viciousness by a series of loan sharks, he finds that neither his Manhattan love nest nor his Long Island home—inhabited by his kids and divorce-ready wife played by Idina Menzel—offer any real relief.
As the film progresses, its visual palette increasingly incorporates both sparkles and flashes of glass and light and also motes of darkness, and its visual language recapitulates the themes of the story and the physical gems that Ratner deals in. A cast of real world recording artists and basketball players playing themselves—chiefly The Weeknd and Kevin Garnett—combine with on-location shooting on 42nd Street to give the film a vibrant and inescapable realism. And Sandler seems to be playing the role he was born for. I generally am not a Sandler fan, but he delivers a truly stunning performance here.
Yet, despite the staggering artistic achievements of the movie, Uncut Gems is not some kind of arthouse film. It’s a non-stop thrill ride that leaves the audience exhausted as if they too experienced the adrenaline shock of a gambling junkie on a high from the biggest deal of their life.
Uncut Gems is available for streaming rental on YouTube and Amazon Prime Video.
OPENING DAY PICKS:
Instead of a movie specifically for kids, I’m going to suggest a couple of baseball pictures in honor of the Opening Day 2020 that wasn’t. There are some adult themes in a few of these, but there shouldn’t be anything too shocking.
Moneyball is my favorite movie about sabermetrics, and Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill are both fantastic in it. Available to stream on Hulu.
A League of Their Own takes place during another trying time in American history, back when people didn’t believe women could play sports. Geena Davis and Madonna disagree. You can rent it on YouTube.
Field of Dreams. “If you build it, they will come!” I mean, come on, who doesn’t want to watch Kevin Costner build a baseball diamond for some ghosts in a cornfield? Available to stream on Hulu.
Jackie Robinson and Baseball are both incredible documentaries about the great American pastime from director Ken Burns. Baseball is available on Amazon Prime Video. Jackie Robinson can be a little tricky to find, but depending on where you’re living, it may be available to stream via your local PBS affiliate. Otherwise, you may be able to watch Jackie Robinson via Kanopy.
READING LIST:
This is a great feature from the Times about a man’s quixotic quest to bring Ebbets Field to life. And what a ballpark.
Yesterday I touched on the federal government’s coronavirus bailout in this newsletter. I published an Op-Ed on the subject over at Talking Points Memo today. Check it out.