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And Moses walked upon the mountain, as he wanted to get some exercise while maintaining appropriate physical distance, which was particularly important due to his advanced age and luxurious beard which made wearing a face mask ineffective.
Upon returning from the mountain, he bore with him these Ten Commandments:
Thou shalt maintain six feet distance from one another, even if your dogs feel otherwise.
Thou shalt wear a face mask when around other people, but if you’re feeling particularly anxious, feel free to wear it at any time, just don’t rob any banks.
Upon entering your home after venturing forth into the world outside, thou shalt wash thine hands thoroughly whilst singing the Happy Birthday Song twice.
Thou shalt wash thine hands two or three more times until your newly developed OCD is assuaged.
Thou shalt honor thy father and mother. They’re not allowed out of the house right now, so it’s the least you can do. You could call a little more often, you know.
Thou shalt not dunk your fresh fruits and vegetables in Purell hand sanitizer, regardless of how reassuring that idea might be.
Thou shalt not watch prestige TV shows whilst thine husband or wife is on a Zoom call, if it is a prestige TV show that they doth also want to watch.
Thou shalt put on pants for video conferences.
Thou shalt brush your teeth every morning, even if there isn’t anyone around to smell thine breath. God knows.
Thou shalt not covet your neighbor’s noise cancelling headphones.
Today’s Recommendation: The Ten Commandments (1956)
Charlton Heston was the king of the sword and sandal epics of the mid-20th century, and besides Planet of the Apes, his definitive role was as Moses in Cecil B. DeMille’s 1956 version of The Ten Commandments. The film—a perennial classic on network television around Passover and Easter—is lavish, with magnificent depictions of ancient Egypt and cutting edge special effects depicting the biblical plagues and parting of the Red Sea on a monumental scale. The acting is in the same high register as the set pieces with Heston, Yul Brynner and Anne Baxter leaving nothing to the imagination and leaning into their lines as if the freedom of Israel depends on it.
The classic 1956 film is actually a remake of DeMille’s 1923 silent attempt at The Ten Commandments. The 1923 film had a budget of $1.4 million—making it the most expensive movie ever at the time—and the sets alone required 1,500 carpenters and over 25,000 nails. Like the real ruins of Egypt, they were for many years lost beneath desert sands. Legend had it that the Sphinx and temples were destroyed when DeMille—on the verge of bankruptcy—dynamited them after the film was completed so as to prevent another director from using them. It’s only been in recent years that they were excavated like their much more ancient antecedents.
Not satisfied with the biblical film that pushed him to the brink, DeMille returned to the subject in 1956 and delivered a masterpiece. He eschewed the fake Egypt he had previously built and demolished in California and instead shot on location in Egypt and the Sinai. The resulting film won an Oscar for special effects and was nominated for six others including Best Picture, cinematography, and editing. I remember watching this movie every year on TV as a child; the plagues were terrifying, ancient Egypt felt real, and Heston was seared into my mind as the true form of Moses. The film loomed so large in my mind because it really was an achievement. It was the kind of movie that could only be produced under the old Hollywood studio system. And even today it still feels monumental. Chag sameach!
The Ten Commandments is available to rent on iTunes or Amazon Prime Video or to purchase through various services.
Reading List:
Outside magazine has a great account of the search for DeMille’s lost Egyptian city in California.
The Times has a fun profile of comic Eugene Mirman. He’s perhaps best known as the voice and soul of Gene Belcher.
Benjamin Reeves is an award-winning screenwriter, journalist and media consultant based in Brooklyn, New York. Follow him on Twitter @bpreeves or write to him at breeves.writer@gmail.com.