This Weekend: Super Duper Missiles
Movie in the hole!
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Let’s talk about Space Force.
For those of you who don’t remember, Space Force is President Donald Trump’s attempt to create a new branch of the armed forces. According to the White House, Space Force will be responsible for “organizing, training and equipping…the mission,” whatever that is. The sad thing is, Space Force is as close as Trump will ever come to a legacy play. It’s also stupid. We already have the Air Force and NASA. And it is incredibly unclear what Space Force is meant to accomplish, so much so, that Steve Carell and company already have a workplace sitcom about it coming out May 29.
And the thing is, Space Force actually sounds kinda cool, in a science fiction, Space Opera kind of way. Like, totally, Space Force does stuff like go after space criminals and fight aliens or something. The problem, of course, is that the reality is and will be none of those things. Instead, Trump says it will do things like create a new “super duper missile.” Not even kidding, that’s what he said at the press conference today revealing the new military branch’s flag. There’s literally a global pandemic killing tens of thousands of people, and the POTUS is showing off his cool new space flag (which sure looks like it was cribbed from Star Trek) and talking about a “super duper missile.”
Here’s a snippet of the press conference today. Note how even the photo shoot with the flag goes FUBAR in less than 30 seconds.
Secretary of Defense Mark Esper, speaking today, explained that the purpose of Space Force was to guarantee “space remains the heavens by which we not only protect America, but we sustain our economy, we sustain our commercial capabilities, we sustain Americans' way of life.” I’m glad someone is focused on making sure “space remains the heavens.” Seriously, out of all the goopy bureaucratic language out there, this is the goopiest. Space Force can literally mean whatever you want it to mean. One can only imagine the constant game of rope-a-dope that the Pentagon must be playing with Trump at this point. Space Force almost seems like an extended ad lib to keep his finger off the nuclear button. If that is the case — and we’ll probably never know one way or another — perhaps the brave personnel of Space Force deserve our thanks.
So here it goes.
Three cheers for Space Force!
Today’s Film: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Those who know Mystery Science Theater 3000 already are initiated into the weird wonders of the Satellite of Love. But the rest of you are in for a treat. Originally created in 1988, MST3K, as it’s known to its fans, is kind of a TV show but also kind of an anthology of movies. And also sort of a series of comedy routines. Honestly, it’s unlike anything else.
In a nutshell, each episode of MST3K, features a human janitor and his robot companions who are imprisoned on a space station called the Satellite of Love and are tortured by their captors who force them to watch the worst movies ever made. The format of an episode is that the audience watches the robots and janitor watch these movies and make fun of them relentlessly. If it sounds stupid, it kind of is, but it’s also totally awesome.
The concept was created by Joel Hodgson, and the lead presenter (the janitor) has been played over the years by Hodgson, Michael Nelson and Jonah Ray. There are 12 seasons of the show, which was initially created for local TV in Minneapolis, then moved to Comedy Central, Syfy and most recently to Netflix for its three most recent seasons. Netflix recently cancelled it, but the show’s track record — the most recent seasons were crowdfunded on Kickstarter for almost $6 million — and Hodgson’s own recent statements indicate it will live on elsewhere.
MST3K definitely falls into the late night viewing category, and the jokes are non-stop and the films they pillory are some of the worst ever made. Over the decades, MST3K has developed a reputation of sorts for reviving profoundly bad movies and giving them a second life. All of the episodes can be found in various ways, including on the official MST3K website, but I’ll recommend three from the most recent Netflix run:
Wizards of the Lost Kingdom is about… uh. Well, there are some wizards, and really, really professional costumes and acting, and it definitely makes complete sense.
Reptilicus is a Danish post-war monster movie that was intended to compete with Godzilla. It doesn’t, but it is special nonetheless.
Mac and Me is a total ripoff of ET. Only it’s just god awful. I mean, this movie is especially horrible, and like Wizards of the Lost Kingdom, it actually got a sequel somehow.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 can be viewed on Netflix, Tubi, Twitch and various other services and the official MST3K website.
Care for a drink?
With summer just around the bend and warm breezes a daily occurrence, why not enjoy one of life’s simple, unsophisticated pleasures: The Summer Shandy. It’s perfect for mixing up at the beach, in the park, or in the pleasure of your own back yard.
Domestic beer, nothing too special. I like to use Coors or Coors Light, but Budweiser or Miller are fine too.
Lemonade. Buy one of the good ones at the store. The beer is basic in a Shandy, but the lemonade should be the real deal.
Combine in a cup, roughly half and half.
Enjoy!
Reading List:
Professional sports are slowly making a comeback, but psychologists and game theorists think that the absence of fans in stadiums could wipe out home field advantage. More on this over at Wired.
Ice cream trucks are an essential service in New York City and this New York Times Op-Doc shows why. Plus, it will make you want a rainbow sprinkle cone, guaranteed.
Benjamin Reeves is an award-winning screenwriter, journalist and media consultant based in Brooklyn, New York. Follow him on Twitter @bpreeves or write to him at breeves.writer@gmail.com.